Rock n Roll Hall of Fame/Crocker Park/Party

Today was fun :)

Clare and I went with her dad and uncle to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I've always wanted to go there, seeing as this was the kind of music I was brought up listening to and still love the sounds of it. It was really cool, but I was disappointed to see a whole section devoted to Jimi Hendrix and barely anything about Led Zeppelin. They had one of John Paul Jones's bass guitars and a couple of band members' outfits. There were many Jimi Hendrix outfits, actual letters and songs handwritten from him, a recording station and much more. Yeah, Hendrix is awesome, but Zeppelin is better. They had a lot for Michael Jackson, too, including his Grammy outfit (he won 8 Grammys the night he wore it), his Thriller jacket and mask, and the infamous sparkle glove. There were some high school garage bands playing on the stage, and we listened to them for a bit. I must admit, they were really good, except for some of the girl singers. One did Piece of my Heart by Janis Joplin and I was blown away by this girl's pipes. She could belt it out very raspy Janis-like, and she was my age! Well, I immediately texted Bella and we decided that yes, her and I were going to start a band. Whether or not it goes anywhere, well, that's unknown. :)

Then we walked around Crocker Park, and it was only for an hour. I bought some underwear, a bag, and lip gloss from victoria's secret, and that's it. I soooo love Crocker Park to death. Even if most of it is high-end retailers whose merchandise start in the 3-figure range. Oh well.

Last night, after Christmas fun with my parents' friends and their kids, I went to a party at my friend Kate's house. I was pretty apprehensive about it, too, because I figured it was going to be all college kids (Kate is a freshman in college). Well, there were a couple high school kids there, but mostly people that graduated 2004-2008. I knew everyone except her roommates, who were friendly. No drinking or smoking or seven minutes in heaven or strip poker or anything of the sort. Her mom was there, too, just in a different part of the house. I got there an hour and a half after it started, and people were just sitting around talking. Then someone asked Kate if she had Twister. Yes, Twister, the games that ties you up in knots. Out of the 20-25 kids there, about 10 were trying to play Twister. Adam (who happens to be my Frosh Buddy's older and graduated brother, and REALLY cute) and I got out immediately in the first game because he toppled over me. Which I did not really mind :) The second round, however, it came down to me, him, Ian and Devon. Some interesting things happened and at one time I pretty much had Ian in my lap. It was fun though... I forgot how hard that game is, especially with a bunch of guys who have arms and legs long enough to reach over me! After everyone was worn out from that, someone got out a deck of Would You Rather cards, and we spent our time debating the pros and cons of dilemmas. Some were a bit racy, but overall, it was funny imagining some of the things. The party itself was great, and I didn't feel afraid that there would be drinking and smoking, nor was I ashamed of being a 'party pooper' for not commencing with the activities. It surprised me, too, that none of these taboos showed up, and I did stay late. It was a good time :)

Nostalgia cures boredom (mostly) && mash-ups

In spite of this boredom, I am looking up random artists that I remember from the glory days (days when my sister and I had this love/hate relationship and our parents were together)

YouTube must think I'm crazy, but the playlist is as follows
(Give yourself a point for each song you remember, two points if you have a cd/cassette of the band, three if you know the lyrics, negative four if a poster of the band hangs in your room.)

*All or Nothing- O-Town
*The Hardest Thing (I've Ever Had to Do)- 98 Degrees
*Girl on TV- LFO
*Crazy Town- Butterfly
*Summer Girls- LFO
*Bye Bye Bye- N*SYNC
*I Want It That Way- Backstreet Boys
*Pretty much anything by Backstreet Boys or N*Sync
*Hit Me Baby (One More Time)- Britney Spears
*Tubthumping- Chumbawumba
*No More- 3LW
*Survivor- Destiny's Child

I fondly remember my sister and I singing along to these songs whenever they came on the radio. She would get so mad at me when she found her boy band books/cds/cassettes in my room. Yes, this was the hilt of Pop, 1999-2002. I was 6-9 years old and Kayla was 11-14. This was quite possibly the only thing we bonded over. I forgot how great this music is, yet how cheesy it is and wonder why Kayla and I drooled over TRL's broadcast of these 'cute' boy bands and whatnot.

I then found something called a 'video-mashup'. Watch for yourself, and tell me if this isn't amazing. This first one is my favorite and possibly the most well-done one. The second one is good too, but could use some work in the beginning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT5eJwgAtvY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQlH7WbnlJI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhnFoq0TpE&feature=related

Enjoy :)

An interesting day at work && unfair-(but for my own good, I suppose)ness.

Well, I worked my 11-5 shift today at the wonderful world of Wendy's. I cannot complain, I have a job in this rough economic depression, I make way more than minimum wage, and it's 2.5 hours shorter than my usual 11-7:30.

Actually, some days are quite interesting solely due to the people who pay a visit to this franchise.

Take today for example.

I worked drive-through pick up window instead of my normal front register (It was extremely slow for dining room, I suppose people did not want to be cooped inside when the weather channel boasted temperatures of 60 degrees-plus) coordinating (read: making sure everything is in bags so customers don't come barging in wondering where their napkins/ketchup/nuggets/receipt/etc are, filling drinks, getting fries, etc... and passing it out of the window) for almost the whole time spent not on break (which were plentiful, due to slow business). Among many well-known people coming through (8th grade principal... who I had visited many times during my year at Jackson....he remembers me fondly.)(Father of my other future husband, who just happens to teach at my highschool. What is it with seeing teachers at work?!)(A girl from choir. Who has great hair. Her name is Katie.), guests were very pleasant, possibly solely because they were able to leave their windows down after driving away and not freeze to death. Then she came. SHE. The woman that every fast-food chain knows very well. The woman who is not happy with prices. She came through and cussed out the person on speaker (Thankfully, this time around, was NOT me!) because, I quote, we aine got no dolla menyah. I couldn't stop laughing. She threated to sue us because 'all duh ofver wenny's got dolla menyahs but we aine got none'. Yeah, this woman threw a fit. Kim tried explaining that there was nothing she could do about it, and that none of the Wendy's in our town had a dollar menu. The woman blatantly threw out all 13 taboos to the speaker, and asked her passenger what she wanted. She ordered a couple sandwiches, complained about the price, paid, and came to my window. I had to supress giggles as she called me some dirty names and drove off.

Anyway, I came home and changed and whatnot, and kicked back on the couch watching tv with my parents. They asked why I was home on a Saturday night. I asked them if I could go out, and they wanted to know with who and where. I asked if I could call up this boy I have been talking to and see if he was busy. Their response: Who? I explained it was Jordan's friend Zac. They asked if he had invited me, or was I going to call him and invite him to do something? The second, of course, since he was informed by myself that I had to work today.

So why am I at home by myself? Because chasing boys like this isn't very becoming.

Since when have I ever been becoming?! If this boy is too shy to call and ask if I'm home, how am I supposed to be able to hang out with him if I can't invite him? Bahhh. Well, whatever.

Merry Christmas to all...

And to all, a goodnight.

What I received commemorating Jesus's birth...

*Varsity coat (what I really wanted)
*Complete Works of Shakespeare DVD (the play we did, only professionally performed)
*Set of Classical Orchestra music (It was one of the 4 things on my Christmas list)
*A very soft, warm, green, fleece blanket for my bed (that sentence fragment is grammatically incorrect.)
*Sketch journal/sketch pen set (How my parents know I like to write and draw is beyond me. I assume they scour my room and come across such things)
*A SLED!!!! (the only one we own is one of those old-school wooden and metal flyers. They run very fast and give me bruises from toppling over at the bottom of the hill at Mills Creek. This one is all plastic and foam... no more bruises!)
*Borat DVD/T-shirt (my parents bought this for me?!?!?!?!)
*The Dark Knight (my sister is my favorite person now)
*Grand Theft Auto 3-game set (once again, from MY parents?!?!?!?! yessss!)
*Wireless headphones (okay, so they were really cheap on sale on Black Friday. I might not have much use, but when something is on sale, you have to buy it!)
*The Best Shirt Ever (It says, 'I'm too pretty to go to Michigan!', which is very true, and ironic, seeing as my parents were a bit displeased that I refused to attend The University of Michigan, even though it has a brilliant English program, solely because I was a Buckeye fan.)
*A long sleeved shirt with paint-splatter drums on the front (It's very artsy. I like.)
*Lots and lots of gum. And then more gum. And chocolate (which was then re-wrapped and given to my aunt, haha.)
*Body Lotion/Bubble Bath/Shower Gel/Body Shimmer/fill-in-the-blank cosmetic (which is typical of relatives who have no other clue what to get for a teenage niece/granddaughter that they only see on Christmas. I do enjoy these things, though.)
*A Magic 'Date' Ball. (Not an 8-ball, but the 'romantic love' spin-off. My aunt gave me permission to use it even though she knew I would use it only in private consultation. I rolled my eyes and told her I wouldn't consult plastic concerning matters of such importance. She said she didn't believe me.)(Okay, she was right, and it told me that my friend and I are meant to be. Yes! But don't tell anyone, especially not her. I do NOT believe in this piece of plastic.)(Okay, yes, I do.)
*School sweaters. Yay. (Actually, they ARE really cute. I think I'm going to wear one outside of school.)
*Shoes! (A pair of addidas, they have memory-foam in the bottom and are narrow-sized! perfect! and they were $12 clearance... awesome!)(A pair of black dressy thongs [not the underwear, mind you.] that i so would rock with a pair of shorts or the new mini i just bought. yay shoes! this makes almost 60 pairs now...)
*Hot cocoa set (like two pounds of hot cocoa mix, and a spoon! My dad knows this is my favorite.)
*Socks. Pink and white socks. (Hey, everyone has to get socks for Christmas. And they will go great with my new addidas. You go, Dad.)
*Tootsie Roll Bank (My sister and I have gotten these from my Dad for every year since I can remember. I love them to death, but it's the only time I will eat Tootsie Rolls.)
*Nail Polish. (From my cousins, who were very upset that I got the nail polish they wanted in a family gift-game the year before. Maybe it's an apology. Maybe they didn't realize the irony. I don't care, I like it.)
*A Coach wristlet. (I started shaking when I saw the gift box. From my Aunt Sandy, who works for Coach. Oh. My. Gosh. !!!)
*Money. (This goes toward a new pair of Converse, maybe an iPod touch, Right-to-Life March, Steubenville, World Youth Day 2011, et cetera...)

So, so far, I have made out well with my mom/uncle's side, my dad's side, and my family. All that is left is my aunt's side of the family. Christmas, I assess, has been very nice. Although my mother isn't able to provide my sister and I with gifts, it matters not to me. I love her all the same, and this holiday really isn't about the material matters, but yet, celebrating the birth of hope.

What, perhaps, was the best though, is that my visit to my aunt's house wasn't too bad. Grampa John (who really is just my Grandma's boyfriend that she has been with since I can remember) and I pretty much sat together and talked about church the whole 2 hours I was there. We both really like Deacon Kishore and Fr. Dave. I told him about playing drums for Lifeteen and the success of Lifenights. He was impressed, and plans to attend a LifeTeen mass. I'm excited. I didn't really talk to the rest of my family, but they didn't seem interested in talking to me either, so I didn't take much offense. But they were friendly, and all commented on 'how much I've grown' and 'how beautiful of a lady I have become' and whatnot. My dad reminded me, once again, that if ever I needed birth control or any other products of the nature, he would provide them to me at no cost without questioning. Gee, thanks Dad, Merry Christmas to you too. I don't think he realizes that unlike many girls at SHS, I'm not into that stuff. I told him I would keep him posted. After leaving there, I got to go back to my dad's apartment and see his new kitty. Her name is Lucky, and she has a limp. My dad hates cats, but loves this one. She is absolutely adorable, with her tabby striping and long hair and bushy tail. I fell in love with her immediately. After unwrapping presents there, my sister dropped me off at my (nice) Grandma's. I pigged out there on food my Aunt Sandy prepared (delicious hors d'ourves and mandarin almond salad) and had some laughs with Grandma. My uncle and I visited Aunt Mary at work, and went home. He made supper and I brought all the presents up from the basement. I watched The Dark Knight and talked to Matt (Go Matt!) on the phone for an hour or so until Aunt Mary got home from work. We ate dinner together (as though I hadn't eaten enough that day, somehow, I was starving come dinnertime. Shepard's pie cured this, however.) and proceeded to the living room.

Presents were unwrapped. Joy was shared. Happiness warmed the house.

And thus, here I am, wrapped up in this new sense of warmth called a blanket with a cup of tradition named hot cocoa, typing this blog, and I am more than happy that I have a loving family, be they not my father and mother, a safe home, presents under the tree (that are now scattered), food on my table, amazing friends (I love you guys), an education, and most importantly, a loving and all-sacrificing God. The ground may not be blanketed in snow, the electric blanket I asked for may not be there, my family may be dysfunctional and not perfect, my stomach might be bloated from over-consumption, but I am happy.

P.S.- I feel a little guilty for a reason. My cat only received one present from Santa (but the dog got three?!), a catnip toy that needed assembly (really, what cat toy needs assembly? Geez Santa....) that I attempted to assemble for her as she stared at me with a look of impatience, much like a child watching their parents try to figure out how to work a new toy. It required unscrewing part of it and filling it with the included catnip. Simple enough, right?

Not.

I broke it. :( I feel really bad for my cat. I gave her the bag of catnip, and she seemed pleased with that, but her toy that made her work for it was now useless plastic. Her only Christmas present, and I broke it. I guess I will have to let her have full use of my new blanket tonight to make it up to her. I'm sorry, OC Kitty. Really, I am.

Merry Christmas!

4th post of the day...

Seeing as I have been online with this dumb ACT registration, I thought it only fitting to take a break and announce the 4 colleges I submitted.

#1. The Ohio State University

#2. University of Kentucky

#3. Rutgers- The State University of New Jersey

#4. University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Majoring in:

*Secondary Education
*English Composition/Literature-General
*Radio/Television Mass Communications

Exactly as it appears from my profile.

Why, exactly, do I have to choose this now? Because my aunt wants me to. She doesn't want me to go to a college without knowing what I want to do like my cousins, and then have to pay for 'fluff' classes.

It makes sense. But it IS still ridiculous.

Kelli Lynn hates thinking about college.

Plain and simple.

I'm supposed to be choosing four colleges to put on my ACT send-to list for the February test.

#1. The Ohio State University

#2. Rutgers University (New Jersey)

#3.

#4.

How the heck am I supposed to know?

I know that I want to major in English/Secondary Education and/or Broadcasting/Mass Communications.

But it's just terrifying thinking that I have to decide NOW where I'm going with my life... I don't want to be at that point. The real world is knocking, and I'm afraid to open the door....

I can't go to Stanford; my parent's won't let me. That sucks. But maybe it's for the better... it IS very far away. And who knows? Maybe I can transfer after 1-2 years.

Bahh. I hate this part.

Whaaatttt to wearrrrrr?

What to wear for Christmas Eve mass and then for Christmas Day?

I'm bitter it's not snowy out, because then I can't rock my boots :(

I could wear my favorite blue tunic dress, but I would want to wear my purple boots with it, but it's raining :(

I could just wear a sweater and black pants/cords, but that's too plain!

Grrr.....

Merry Christmas Eve!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-_OP81QE38&feature=related

It's great, I LOVEEEE the clefhangers. I wish our school did something like this.

In other news, Merry Christmas Eve!

Too bad I won't get to open anything until like 7:30 at night tomorrow :/ But that's what comes with having parents who work for the city. Someone's got to work, and I'm not bitter about it because I don't like getting up early anyway. That, and, most of the other workers have young children. I would rather them get to open stuff Christmas morning than me. It's not too big of a deal, and it's not what Christmas is about anyway.

It's warmer out, no snow for Christmas :( Oh well, no white Christmas. It's okay.

So tomorrow, in my aunt's absence, I will be going over to my Aunt Sha's (when my sister and I were little, we couldn't pronounce 'Angela', so she was something like 'Sha', and the name has stuck) house to see my dad's side of the family, who do not really care for me... great fun. Seriously, my little cousins don't know who I am, my grandma won't talk to me, my older cousins just look upon with genuine distaste.... I really do not like my family. I guess it all pretty much started when my parents divorced, and my dad's side of the family started not liking my mom's side, and now that I live with my mom's side of the family, the unlikingness has spread to me. NOT. FAIR. whatever, it's still my family, I have to love them and all, they're the only family I will have until I marry, blah blah blah, but my goodness, it is difficult. I'm not really looking forward to it, but I guess I just have to take whatever happens with a grain of salt and keep my head high and smile.

Moving on, I got the cutestttt mini skirt at PacSun today- for $2.99!!!! Too happy!

its.coldddd.

brrrr.
my weather channel is telling me that it's a grand 2 degrees out, with a wind chill of -16.
IT IS COLDDDD.
which makes me laugh because i was burning up standing under a heating vent at work all day. it's the first day of winter.
t-minus one month until right to life march. im not sure if i will go. i know i should, seeing as its the right time since obama is pro-choice and all, but it is literally the day after his inaguration. im afraid to death of being in washington with that many people, especially rioters. i am very scared and i know this is for a good cause, but i have to put my safety first. i might just not go. i dont know yet.
in other news, the funniest thought just dawned on me.
tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first date.
yes... the date in which tomas's mom drove us to fazolis, we ate, and then his mom picked us up and drove us back to tomas's house and left us alone. (what the heck was she thinking??!) anyway, we watched the astronaut farmer, which is a crazy corny family movie, and then my aunt picked me up.
[[it was uber lameeeee!]]
but hey, i thought i was the stuff, a freshman [[a cool one at that who had no clue about guys]] dating a [[not really cool or anything]] senior.
but whatever,
since then i've gotten my first kiss.
Mr. Philip Dinovo Junior.
:D
but everyone knows about that, and i heart that kid.
to matt: kudos on being on the front page of the sports section and getting all those records. you go.
to alyssa: i love your grandparents for always tipping me.
to bella: i had the craziest dream about stern. in a nutshell, i took him to a football game and we left and walked to the beach and then he left and it started raining and i couldnt find my way back... i think it's a sign. he will lead you somewhere wrong and leave you out in the rain with no place to go.
Anyway, happy winter!

Ice Storm=Saving my grade

So... thank goodness for this snow (ICE?) day.

It is preventing me from 3 tests...

AP Bio Part II, full of Punnet Squares, Chi Squared, and F1/F2 Generational crap that is pretty easy, but still a pain to do.

Jane Eyre Full Book 100 objective questions + Essay, a book that I read about half of, but skipped from Chapter 13 to 32.... Sparknotes aren't so detailed so I Was pretty much screwed for this one.

Algebra II Chapter whatever Test, seeing as I have only been in that class three times in the past two weeks, I don't understand anything, nor do I really care. But the tests aren't that hard, and are part multiple choice. I'm still screwed for the show-your-work portion.

I was up late studying, and then was very grateful to receive a text from Matt at like 5 in the morning telling me that school was cancelled. Thank. Goodness. Now I have all break to learn or re-learn this junk. Hooray!

Bitterness?

well, I guess I have something that I should say for myself.

Here goes.

I am not bitter about Gavin Kuns.

Okay, I did it.

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Hebrews 12:15

I read Bella's post about how he could have any girl he wanted, blah blah blah, and how it takes a LOT for someone to be able to truthfully say they don't want a relationship or anything new to deal with. I can't be mad at him. He's just telling the truth. I don't understand how tough it is to be a senior getting ready to leave all of my friends and attend college in a state that's 1000 miles away. He's just a boy who is trying to balance everything in life and finds it important to be honest to those who matter to him. I guess I have to accept that. It hurts, yes, but I have to take it for what it's worth. And I guess what it is worth is a lesson: I might not see the real meaning of something, but somehow, sometime, the reason why will be revealed later. I guess I could apply this for a lot of occurrences in my life. I don't want to be upset with Gavin. He is a great guy. I guess it's okay to be upset with the situation, but not with the cause of it. And yes, I've broken my share of hearts, I guess what goes around comes around. That's the beauty of God's plan for us, the whole 'I'm going to do something now, trust me, it's for your own good, and you will find out what it means later', it keeps us waiting for Him to reveal His motivations for what happens. There's other fish in the sea. Maybe God has bigger and better things in store, and this disappointment is just training me for what He will bring about next, and once that comes, I will appreciate it more.

That sounds about right.

Everybody's gonna love today!

No more Keynotes and Bell Choir until next August!!!!

I'm sad and happy. Happy because now I Can eat dinner with my family and not worry about getting my dress places and all the hassle that comes with concerts.

I'm sad because the concerts are fun, no more seniors, and I have to pick the bells I want.

Mr. Albert gave me a real nice 'Thank You' today for subbing for Daniel's bells for the two school concerts and today's performance. He also said he is counting on me next year and wants me to take Emily's bells because they are the most difficult. Talk about pressure. But I love Bell Choir, and now I'm on Ron's good side.

But I still haven't gotten my kiss from Karl.... : /

In other words, one day until break! I'm too excited. Even though I have a lot going on, I still look forward to the rest that will come, and, of course, Christmas!

Closer

so, we're alone again 
i wish it were over 
we seem to never end 
only get closer 
to the point where i can take no more 

the clouds in your eyes 
down your face they pour 
won't you be the new one burn to shine 
i take the blue ones every time 
walk me down your broken line 
all you have to do is cry 
yes all you have to do is cry

hush my baby now 
your talking is just noise and won't lay me down 
amongst your toys in a room where i can take no more 

photographs and brightly colored paper 
are your mask you wear in this caper 
that is our life we walk right into the strife 
and a tear from your eye brings me home 

Oh yeah, life goes on, Long after the thrill of livin' is gone, Walk on down.

John Mellencamp, you're great with words.

Of course, it's a new day and a new boy. Three different boys named Zac/Zach/Zak, all attending different schools, are filling my texting inbox, making me feel better about Gavin.

They're not the tall, shy, goofy, cute, Catholic basketball player I was looking for. But I guess it's, once again, not God's will for me. Although he DID seem like a really good guy He would want for me. But okay God, just do what you want, and I will try to accept it.

Anyway, I get to sub for Daniel's bells at the school concert tonight!!!! :D I'm nervous AND excited.

And Mr. Albert asked me today whose bells I want (Karl's, duhhh) next year. I said Karl and he said, "No, not because they're bass bells, but because it's too easy for you. You can't have Marley's either because they're easy. You need to have the hardest bells because I know you can learn them easily. You are great with sightreading, that's why I'm having YOU play Dan's bells."

What a compliment, if I've ever gotten one! I think I will take Emily McClure's bells. They play the most and are in the front row, Soprano section.

I guess I feel really happy today despite the dire situations. Oh well :) I won't complain.

New playlist coming soon to my blog!

F-bombs.

If I swore in front of my friends, I would.

So this Gavin? He just pulled a dick move. Excuse my language. But pretty much told me off for trying to be friendly.

Oh, and he's going away to Maine for college and just wants to hang out with his 'friends from 5th grade for these last 5 months'.

Okay, then, you don't know what you're missing...

Rejection is a killer.

Bah. Cry me a river. ((This post is for my girls. And Matt))

Okay girls and Matt, I have something to tell you.

Matt, disregard this, I will be posting this as if I were having a phone conversation with Bella or Alyssa, but seeing as it's 9:07 at night and I don't feel like talking, I think I should manipulate my fingers and give my voice a rest.

So... both of you (Matt, I'm sorry. You don't know about this.) remember how I kind of -tried- talking to Gavin at Lifeteen? And how I kind of maybe flirted just a bit?

Well, he came into my work. Lo and behold, Gavin Kuns, standing right in front of me, with his silly grin.

My silly little girl grin appeared and my cheeks blushed. Gavin?! Anyway, I took his order, which was for carry-out (darn, I don't get to sit there and stare at him eat. Curses, I can't creep.) and then, in rush of adrenaline (which for some reason, I have been having a lot of that lately. Might wanna get it checked out before it hinders me further), I asked him, 'Do you mind if I ask you a question, please don't get mad?'

'Sure, go ahead.'

'Well, uhh, you see, I have been wanting to know, for quite some time, well maybe, nevermind, no, well uhm, you see, Gavin, uhm, do you, no, forget it, wait no, do you... Do you have a girlfriend?!'

The look on his face was priceless. He turned bright red and his eyes brightened.

'No, I do not.'

He left with a hug smile.

Well, our texting adventure after work followed as this:

K: So do you want to hang out sometime outside of Lifeteen?
G: Sure what do you want to do?
K: It doesn't matter, I'm not picky, whatever you like.
G: Well what do you like to do besides singing and working?
K: I like it to hang out with cute boys like you :)

Maybe this was too forward.

G: Well I dont think I really want a girl friend right now. I have a lot going on and when I do have time off I usually hang with my best friends so idk right now (con't, I have to go to the other text)
G: Sorry but to tell you the truth I've never had a girlfriend or even a first kis... But thats kinda weird cause all my best friends are girls too so idk.

I tried texting him after this saying, 'I'm sorry, maybe in the future, can we still hang out?' and things of sort... but he never replied. Which kinda made me glad that I couldn't go to lifeteen because frankly I would have probably cried again. I'm such a baby... But whatever, I guess God doesn't want me to date him for a week and then break up with him like every other guy.

A kiss.

He drove me to Huron.

I sat next to him.

We talked.

We laughed.

We listened to his musical creations on a CD.

We sang and played bells.

We retreated from Huron.

I sat next to him.

We talked.

We laughed.

We listened to his musical creations on a CD.

Then, by some unwilling adrenaline rush bursting through my veins,

I asked him a question.

'Would you care for a kiss, Karl?'

He was drawn aback.

'Well,' he said with an inquisitive look, 'Yes'.

And I gave him a kiss.

How did I do this?

Easily.

I opened my gloved hand, revealing a green foil-wrapped Hershey's Kiss and held the chocolate morsel out to him.

He laughed.

His eyes shone in the dark car.

'Thanks,' he chuckled, 'Kelli'.

'Were you expecting a real one?' I laughed.

He smiled.

'I really don't know' was his reply.

We both laughed.

I easily could have leaned over and given him a quick peck on the cheek right then and there, but I figured that my act of flirtation was more than enough for the evening.

'Thank you, Karl, and Good Night' was my salutation.

He returned the kindness, and as I gingerly ascended the stairs to my home, I could not help but don the grin of a child on Christmas morning.

All worked out well... for the most part.

Although tension and nerves were high, most everything went smoothly. Roy just stayed in the background, but everyone was very disturbed that he was there but dared not to show it.

I still think it was a bad move.

Alleluia, Alleluia Pt. III

Okay, more about this family junk.

My mother is not good with boyfriends. Exhibit A, the last boyfriend she had, A.K.A. the reason I was removed from her house and put into foster care. Now, after that whole several year long debacle, do you think any of her brothers or sisters or nieces or nephews or in laws or mother would appreciate her bringing a new boyfriend whom nobody but her daughter knows to a traditionally family-exclusively function?

Hell no.

So why is she doing it?! He was not invited! I know I am supposed to love my mother, since she is the only mom I will ever have (besides my aunt and future mother-in-law), but it is so damn hard when she does the dumbest things. How she blows everything out of proportion! I don't even call her much anymore because I can't stand listening to her make up stories. My sister has cut off contact with her, and I understand why. They will both be here today.

I think someone is here.

I think I have a lot of things to do in the basement ALONE today.

Alleluia, Alleluia Pt. II

It's still stuck in my head. The wonderful Keynotes sonata. And it only has one word in it, repeated timelessly: Alleluia.

Family Christmas party in t-minus 1.25 hours. I guess my mom is bringing her boyfriend? Erm... does not look like a good day.

But he's nice. I just don't think he belongs at our FAMILY christmas party. How rude it sounds, I don't care. My mother is not good with boyfriends.

More later.

Alleluia, Alleluia

I will be glad when Bell Choir is OVER. It's a little overwhelming while taking Algebra II and missing every single day of class. I have no idea what we are doing and our teacher doesn't do much to explain, instead, he solves equations in front of us. I love Bell Choir and Keynotes and all, but not when I miss 6th period and then cannot figure out what I am doing.

I can't wait to have Aaron again.

I guess some things are just meant to happen to make us appreciate others and their capacity of forgiveness. Maybe God has provided me with this trait not to hinder but to give me the challenge I need so I can build strength to overcome it. He would not create hurdles too high without giving us a leg up on them. Maybe this person is here on Earth to help me get over it. Maybe it's not so much a 'hurdle' to get over and leave behind, but like a mode that I just need to learn to live with. Maybe this person was put here to help me accept myself and be able to show my real self. I don't know.

A little Shanny for you, Kell Bell?

Quoting my father from when I was like five or six years old. Shania Twain was my favorite singer and my mom and dad were big fans. There was barely a time when music wasn't playing loudly from my dad's music stereo system that rivaled the cost of most of the appliances in our kitchen. Whenever possible, I would request it to be Shania Twain. Looking back, it's odd that both my parents liked her. Her country twang is very different from the hard rock both my mother and father loved so dearly. I think that the latter is the cause of my hearing impairment. Anyway, I would brush my hair out like hers, find my prettiest dress up clothes, and dance around the living room and sing for my mom and dad any song by Shania Twain. As long as I can remember, I would perform this silly routine, even without an audience. I guess I am having a relapse. No, I am not wearing a cast-off Christmas dress, nor is my hair fluffed out, and I am not dancing around my living room singing lyrics I know perfectly to this day and now understand, holding my teddy bear or a toy microphone. But I have been listening to these CDs non stop. I wonder why I cannot cease these simple melodies from my head. But whatever, this is fun. Maybe I just might have to find my prom dress or something, and, in the privacy of my empty home, give a recital to an empty orchestra and a barren audience. I don't think I will go that postal. But it has a little potential.

Oh yeah, that trip-thing...

So I guess I never wrote about Detroit/Deerborn, which I promised for Bella and Alyssa.

Okay, so, departing from the school at 7:30 was not fun. I was tired as a mofo. And snuggled all in between a pillow and a fluffy Evan. And pretty much I slept and talked to Mike and Evan and most of our conversation drifted to food.

Oh, I used the bus restroom. That was a harrowing experience. Very dark and cramped.

Then we got the the Henry Ford museum and got to change in there very sweltering restrooms. We proceeded to play for crowds of gradeschoolers and their worn-out teacher counterparts. We processed around the perimeters of the museum, entertaining employees and ourselves by trying not to trip on the freshly-waxed floors.

After changing back out of our dresses and such, we were given free reign of Deerborn, Michigan, so long as we were back at the bus in approximately five hours. Yayy.

Our group, consisting of me, Kirstyn (the one that's my friend), Nat (The sort of weird sophomore), Demetrius (the one questioning his sexuality), Nicole (The full out annoying drama queen), and Taylor (she's cool. I guess she's my friend too) roamed the museum for a couple hours, taking random photos mimicking statues. Then we proceeded to Greenfield Village, a replica city of where Henry Ford grew up and established his motor company.

I, being a moron, had left my coat on the bus. In fifteen degree snowy weather.

Luckily, Demetrius was bundled from head to foot, letting me use his coat. I was thankful.

We roamed Greenfield Village and spent an exuberant amount of money on lunch. We rode in authentic Model T's (A foolish thing to do when it's already cold out. The cars are completely open.) and shivered and annoyed tour guides.

Upon arriving back at the museum, we stimulated the economy and took embarassing pictures of our choir director.

We loaded up on the bus and were on our way to Hockeytown Cafe and Restuarant. Once arriving, we were escorted to our own private party room, where we were fed some yummy food and laughed obnoxiously (well, our table anyway).

We then changed in the restrooms and walked to Fox Theatre. Walked. In ball gowns. To Fox Theatre. In the freezing cold.

We performed on the marble grand staircase of the gilded theatre to a fully crowded lobby. It was amazing, to say the least. Somehow I was stuck in the Bass section, but I sang well anyway. I must admit, though, I had tears streaming down my face by the end of our bennediction, 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You' due to overwhelming circumstances and hearing Aaron and Karls' voices tremble. Crybabies.

After that, we got to watch White Christmas, blah blah blah, it snowed on the audience, blah blah blah, fun, fun, blah.

Dragging ourselves onto the busses, I situated myself into a comfortable position and proceeded to text and talk the whole ride home. As my clock struck once at twelve-thirty upon walking across the threshold of my home, I sighed a sigh of tiredness, relief and pleasure. It was a nice day.

Why the sadness?

Why cry over him?

He is gone. Here, but gone. He is worthless to me. I don't really care to talk to him, or see him. He treated me very unfairly and led me on for too long. He was a user and did not care about my feelings. He moved WAY too fast for me but still pushed limits every time we were together. He is fake and has an ugly nose, too. He is a spoiled brat and an only child. He does not get good grades and thinks he can go to school to play rock music. He wants to stay in this town to be in a rock band after college. He wants to go to BGSU so he can drink until he's dizzy on Thursday nights. His friends have done the same acts to my friends. He thinks I still have an infatuation with him. He thinks he did nothing wrong. He pretends nothing happened. He asks why he has not seen me or why I have not talked to him in forever. He dumped my friend the same way. He's not even in my faves on my texting screen. I thought he could have been my first love. I was deeply wrong and realized it was infatuation on high. He played me.

But why do I still get upset over it every now and then?

New Beginnings

As Fr. Dave said this morning in his homily, 'If the beginning is bad, you won't want to watch the rest of it'.

So Eric and I broke up. He took it a lot better than I thought. I guess he may just have really been in love because he accepted my feelings and still wants to be friends. It was tough to tell him how it wasn't fair to either of us when we didn't feel the same way about each other, and I was upset as well as he was, but he took it well. I'm really glad it worked out, and I know God was behind this and answered my prayers.

Yet before I even started to talk to Eric, there was a boy. He was kind of shy and didn't talk to me much. But when he did, he was very nice, and had this presence around him. We grew to become friends. He became a little hurt when I started dating Eric. Through that relationship, I grew to like him more than a friend, and confided in him and turned to him for guidance. He became a beacon of light to me. And I think that this may be God's will, maybe he wanted me to be with Eric so I could see how great of a bulwark this boy is. I also think God brought me to him to help him. This boy wants to be a Baptist minister, but is afraid to tell his parents or friends. Surely he is first or second in his class, and everyone would think it is a waste of his intelligence. I told him it wasn't a waste at all. It's God's will. In our times, we need more people that have the reverence of God that this man has, more guidance and solace like this boy's. Not a rocket scientist. I think God might have done this on purpose, so we could help each other. This boy is caring and would do anything for anyone. He is a firm believer in abstinence until marriage. The presence about him is admirable. And yet, it seems to me, why would God bring us to be friends? We don't practice the same denomination of Christianity. He is far more reverent than I could ever be, and a better person. But somehow, we have become the best of friends, and I feel some strange feeling that never have I felt before for him. Maybe it's too soon and I'm just feeling the effects of relationship rebound. But God has my pen, and I will let him write on. This beginning looks promising, and I know the story will turn out to be a bestseller, because as long as God is my author, my life is a fairytale.

Uneasiness&&exhaustion.

The uneasiness from relationships,
The exhaustion from Bell Choir.

30 concerts in 2 weeks. One day long Detroit trip. Over $250 in expenses. One name: Bell Choir

I do love it though.

The uneasiness: What do you do when you really feel like you should break up with your boyfriend and then he tells you he loves you?

I've never said I love you. In fact, the man that I feel the most love for right now is my best friend Matt, not my boyfriend. Of course, this felling for Matt is totally agape. My feelings for Eric? I don't think we are really right for each other. In the beginning it was great and all, but now I am discovering things about him that irk me, and that our personalities are far different and I find myself becoming bored with him. But obviously, he holds me up on this pedestal and thinks I am everything, to him I am the world.

I can't date this boy who has no faith at all, who shows no hint of romanticism, who isn't chivalrous. Don't get me wrong, he's the most polite boyfriend I have ever had, and would do anything for me, and never even thinks about pushing my boundaries. Yet something just doesn't feel right.

Maybe I'm just freaking out, but I told him that I don't feel the same way about him and he treats me no differently. But is it right to stay with someone who feels so deeply devoted to you when you don't feel the same about them? Is it fair to them? Is his definition of love the same as mine? To me, love is all-sacrificing and giving, totally selfless and determined. I don't feel that way about him. Does he feel that about me, or does he believe love is the infatuation he has with me? I'm not quite sure, but either way, I feel like I am leading him down the wrong path even though I have been honest with him about my unrequited feelings.

What is there to do? I don't want to totally freak him out or break his heart by talking to him about this.