little ado about much.

I'm past the point of not caring about my homework, searching for motivation.

Which will probably arrive with my grade card, I'm afraid I don't have a 4.0. But to me, it's not a great deal. ACT scores and extracurriculars are more prominent then having a high GPA. I also have come to the realization that my parents won't let me leave Ohio to go to college. It's sad. I would love to go to Stanford, but they say it's not 'realistic'. The only reason it's not realistic is that it's all the way across the country. This is my chance to get out on my own and explore the world, and yet I have to stay within 300 miles of this small town. I guess I'm not really bitter about it, but I still am interested in Stanford. Maybe it's not what God wants me to do. It's only the most refined English school in the country. But I guess I could get just as good of an English education at Ohio State. If that's even what I want to major in. I really should begin to narrow down where I would like to go and what I would like to major in, but I can't bring myself to commit to something when I know that this is my future and my life. Highschool, everything is chosen, with respect to picking electives. College is one's choice, and what one chooses is what one becomes [assuming one follows through with the major]. Can I really handle that decision my sophomore year of highschool? It's so overwhelming, and I've been praying about it like crazy. But I trust God to lead me in the right direction.

A friend brought to my attention today that when our youth group makes their annual trip to Washington, D.C. for the pro-life march and protest this year, it will be 3 or 4 days after Obama officially takes office on January 20th, 2009. Not only will DC be more hectic than last year, but our protest will be more integral in this struggle to put down the culture of death. Obama is by far the most liberal president on abortion rights issues thus far, and making abortion legal to all without any hindrance is one of his top priorities. As a Catholic, this hits hard, even harder that my parents both voted for him and opposed my preference for McCain. I'm more than thankful that under the first amendment we have to ability to protest against this genocide, and after seeing friends become pregnant and coming to know more about the actual process of abortion, have come to appreciate those who fight earnestly for this cause. Hopefully someday we will see an end to infanticide and abortion, though unlikely in the next four years. But miracles happen, and maybe Obama could have a change of heart. Who knows.

Is one month really a big deal when it comes to relationships? I think so. It's a milestone for me. Of course I've dated guys for more than a month, numbering 3 before this boy, but by the one month marker I was beginning to regret it for 2 of them. I feel fine with this relationship and can feel us growing stronger each day. But I'm afraid that he is intimidated by me. I also thik he doesn't appreciate my two best friends being guys, namely, two of his best friends also. And as for last night, we played rock band, and even though I was terrible on the drums, it was fun. then we watched drumline for the 3rd of 4th time this past month and I felt like he actually was happy to have me in his arms. Most of the time he doesn't show it, but I could notice him playing with my hair or making circles on my back. I guess I just felt like something was there that hadn't been there before, and I don't have a clue what it was, but it surprised and pleased me.

Orchestra is getting better I guess. i wish our director would have more patience and we could all learn our parts better. i still havent decided if im staying in it next year.

in other news, i think today was a really great day, and i felt happy for the most part, ecstatic at times, yet i don't really know what made it so special. works for me.